Jeezey Chreezey. My life is so...fucked right now. Here's how it's fucked.

I'm trapped in a fucking Indie epic. Ya'all remember Jason, right? Yeah, Not mine no more. I messed that one up royally. See, what had happened was, was that he came home from Iraq early to help his mother out. Lovely lady, I adore her, I assure you. He began to revert to his former living style of prior to moi. Out all night, running with the boys, flirting with the girls...acting like god only knows. I'm not allowed to see him like that. I'm too young, and I'm afraid I'd get pissed and be ashamed of him. So...While Sir Vega is out and about, I am at home, with no firends, nothing to do. I sat and waited for him to call me, to talk to me, and to just pay attention to me. He told me to make some friends, probably figuring it'd make me less likely to bitch at him while he was out playing too. Taking his advice, I befriended one Mister Hilton. *grins* We like Mister Hilton, so please, don't take any of this wrong. Mister Hilton brought several of his (Sir Vega's) irradic and seemingly disturbing behaviors to my attention in such a way that I had to acknowledge that something wasn't right.
Mister Hilton and I spent more time around each other, kept talking...and kept...I dunno. It was such a wierd situtation. Everything felt akward, my senses were super hyped, I was so much more aware around Corey (Mister Hilton) that it was a bit overwhelming. I looked forward to seeing him, and started dreading talking to Sir Vega...as all /we/ did was fight...and rather viciously at that. I couldn't keep talking to Vega. It was killing me. I loved him...very much. But I didn't like him all that well.
So. Jan 19th rolls around. This is a point in time when on that exact date I was SUPPOSED to be on an airplane to Connecticut. Instead...I was in California. I called Greg (Mister Hilton's roommate) and asked him to let Mister Hilton know that I wasn't in Connecticut. Mister Hilton got up and ended up going over to my house. Next was worthy of board quality posting. There was talking with the mum, then the mum going to bed. Then Corey discovered that I was ticklish. And that I squirmed. And I was rather flexible...and then rather fond of snogging. *sigh* So. Yeah. Snog fest with Mister Hilton, two days after my one year aneversary with Sir Vega.
I felt like total shit, like you wouldn't believe. I couldn't sleep. I told everyone but Mister Hilton that I was just excited about going to see Sir Vega. Which is totally true, but only in part. I longed to see him so much, I didn't care how long I was to be on a godamn plane. I was going. *squee*...however. I had anticipated going, and being officially proposed to. Which I knew was most likely going to happen, unless I told Jason what I had done. In his eyes, snogging another dude, letting him touch you, so on and so forth, all falling short and then including the act of fornication...is cheating. Simple. Plain cut, and that is it. You do it, you're done, see you later...bye bye. I loved you, and maybe we can be friends, but I don't know...because you are a tratiorous two timing bitch. *cackles* Okay, so I probably took that over board, but you know, it's the damn truth. And I was right.
I told Jason...and that's when I started getting icky feeling. He wouldn't look at me after that. He wouldn't watch me while I did other stuff, he didn't seem to fond of looking me in the face. It hurt so much, because I knew I'd lost him. I'd done something so entirely insensitve...and without possible cause...but I dunno...I knew how he'd see it in his eyes, and what he'd do, and it started killing me. I'd cry...and just...blah. You know? So, the entire time, he'd tell me that everything would be alright, that I needed to calm down...that he wasn't going anywhere...why was I freaking out when he was sitting right there. Yeah. I knew he'd do it after I left. He's chicken shit like that. He can't think of being without me when I am in front of me. Just as I cannot imagine loving anyone but him when he's in front of moi. It's just. Damn. We make eachother numb, almost.
I flew back to Cali, got home on a Saturday. Jason broke up with me on the phone on Monday...